The lack of question marks kills me but this is funny!
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- Thread starter Dark Star
- Start date
roadsidehorror
No rainbow. It's raining skulls.
I’m feeling triggered!
That scam’s been around for years. I’m onto them lol.
I sure do!
VLGRDSPLY
Trusted Member
My assshole, ahem I mean amazing cat I Love very much... does this DAILY... it is me, my son and a roommate... I dont know how he isnt 100 pds
ps i do love him VERY MUCH, but he is a very loving amazing ASSHOLE lol...
The new kitty doesn't meow so much as she bleats, like a lamb does. It's hilarious to watch. It's like her tongue is too big for her mouth and she doesn't quite know what to do with it. She does do this 5-6 times a day though, the little beggar! 
Hermy
Trusted Member
The National Park Rangers are advising hikers in Glacier National Park and other Rocky Mountain parks to be alert for bears and take extra precautions to avoid an encounter.
They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.
Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensitive nose and it will run away.
It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.
Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur.
Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.
They advise park visitors to wear little bells on their clothes so they make noise when hiking. The bell noise allows bears to hear them coming from a distance and not be startled by a hiker accidentally sneaking up on them. This might cause a bear to charge.
Visitors should also carry a pepper spray can just in case a bear is encountered. Spraying the pepper into the air will irritate the bear's sensitive nose and it will run away.
It is also a good idea to keep an eye out for fresh bear scat so you have an idea if bears are in the area. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear scat.
Black bear droppings are smaller and often contain berries, leaves, and possibly bits of fur.
Grizzly bear droppings tend to contain small bells and smell of pepper.
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A farmer's old rooster dies, so he goes to buy a new one from another farmer he knows. The farmer warns him that "Roy" is an especially frisky rooster.
Ah the end of Roy's first day on the farm, all the hens are walking bowlegged. The farmers says "Roy, you need to slow down, you're going to kill yourself like that."
At the end of the next day, all the hens are walking bowlegged, all the ducks are walking bowlegged, and so are the geese. "Roy," says the farmer, "I told you, if you don't slow down, you're going to kill yourself."
The next day the farmer goes out, the poultry is all walking bowlegged, the cows are walking bowlegged, the plowhorse is looking very confused, and he finds Roy lying face up in the pasture, legs up, with buzzards circling overhead. "Roy," moans the farmer, "didn't I tell you you were going to kill yourself if you didn't slow down?"
Roy cracks open one eye and whispers "Shhh... I'm trying to get them to land!"
Ah the end of Roy's first day on the farm, all the hens are walking bowlegged. The farmers says "Roy, you need to slow down, you're going to kill yourself like that."
At the end of the next day, all the hens are walking bowlegged, all the ducks are walking bowlegged, and so are the geese. "Roy," says the farmer, "I told you, if you don't slow down, you're going to kill yourself."
The next day the farmer goes out, the poultry is all walking bowlegged, the cows are walking bowlegged, the plowhorse is looking very confused, and he finds Roy lying face up in the pasture, legs up, with buzzards circling overhead. "Roy," moans the farmer, "didn't I tell you you were going to kill yourself if you didn't slow down?"
Roy cracks open one eye and whispers "Shhh... I'm trying to get them to land!"
The local high school seniors had to spend a week shadowing an adult out in the workforce for "career week", and give a report at the end of it.
Johnny gets up to give his report in his week with Mr. Murphy, the undertaker.
"So Mr. Murphy gets this call about a dead body at this hotel downtown. Two of them, they said, a man and a woman. So Mr. Murphy puts on his silk hat, grabs his lacquered cane with the big silver handle, and we get in the hearse and head over there."
"So, we get into the room and, sure enough, there they are, a man and a woman, lying on the bed, stark naked. And the man had a great big erection going. Well, that didn't faze Mr. Murphy one bit. He walks right up, grabs that thing with one hand, and with his big cane he gives that thing a mighty whack right across the knob of it."
"Um, and what did that do?" asks the teacher.
"Oh, it made all Hell break loose. We were in the wrong room!"
Johnny gets up to give his report in his week with Mr. Murphy, the undertaker.
"So Mr. Murphy gets this call about a dead body at this hotel downtown. Two of them, they said, a man and a woman. So Mr. Murphy puts on his silk hat, grabs his lacquered cane with the big silver handle, and we get in the hearse and head over there."
"So, we get into the room and, sure enough, there they are, a man and a woman, lying on the bed, stark naked. And the man had a great big erection going. Well, that didn't faze Mr. Murphy one bit. He walks right up, grabs that thing with one hand, and with his big cane he gives that thing a mighty whack right across the knob of it."
"Um, and what did that do?" asks the teacher.
"Oh, it made all Hell break loose. We were in the wrong room!"
A 70 year-old man is at the doctor for a checkup. "You're in remarkably good shape for a man your age," remarks the doctor. "Well," says the old man, "every day I run 5 miles and do 100 laps in the pool."
"Excellent," says the doctor, "so how old was your father when he died?"
"I never said my father was dead."
"Really?"
"Yup. He's 88 years old, and every day he runs 3 miles and does 50 laps in the pool."
"Unbelievable," says the doctor, "and how old was your grandfather when he died?"
"I never said my grandfather was dead."
"You're kidding."
"Nope, he's 107 years old, walks a mile every day, and next month he's getting married."
"That's incredible," says the doctor, "but... Why would a 107 year-old man want to get married?"
"I never said he wanted to get married..."
"Excellent," says the doctor, "so how old was your father when he died?"
"I never said my father was dead."
"Really?"
"Yup. He's 88 years old, and every day he runs 3 miles and does 50 laps in the pool."
"Unbelievable," says the doctor, "and how old was your grandfather when he died?"
"I never said my grandfather was dead."
"You're kidding."
"Nope, he's 107 years old, walks a mile every day, and next month he's getting married."
"That's incredible," says the doctor, "but... Why would a 107 year-old man want to get married?"
"I never said he wanted to get married..."
I certainly CAN relate to that, @Sugar Cookie! And that cat looks a lot like my kitty Domino.
I love a tuxedo kitty they are so cuddly.
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